One Baby Boy, Two Moms #AventMoms
Those of you who have been following our parenting journey from the start will recall how much I enjoyed the first stages of pregnancy despite being a human milk machine. The ability to pump and bottle feed really helped us maintain our pre-baby lifestyle post baby and over the years I’ve shared how much we’ve loved the Philips Avent products. In fact, I recommend the Avent classic bottles to all new parents because it’s what my lactation consultant recommended. When my colleague told me that she and her wife were pregnant I was over the moon for them and of course mentioned Avent bottles when she later asked for recommendations. Their journey to motherhood has not been an easy one and the hubs and I have been blessed to be part of their inner circle so we were thrilled when they agreed to share their journey with us. Same-sex parenting comes with its own unique challenges and at times I’ve been at a total loss when they have shared some of their dilemmas. When Philips Avent, a brand that is supportive of all women (and men) in their parenting journey asked me to test out their classic bottles, I knew the perfect moms to help me with my task now that Baby Boy has finally ditched the bottles for the Avent cups! What’s it like being one of two moms to a baby boy? You’ll have to read on to hear my friend Amanda’s experience (remember, she isn’t the other mom) and you’ll also have a chance to win 1 of 4 Philips Avent Bottles Gift Sets!
Disclosure : We are part of the PTPA Brand Ambassador Program with Philips Avent and have received compensation as part of our affiliation with this group. The opinions on this blog, as always, are TOTALLY ours!
My wife and I feel blessed to be the Moms of a beautiful 4 month baby boy. How he arrived and how long it took to bring him here doesn’t matter anymore – what matters is how much we love him and how much we know he loves us.
Being the Moms of a little boy and being a same-sex couple comes with the same things you might experience as a new parents too – but sometimes ours comes with a little twist. For example – over the last 4 months, we have learned more about the male anatomy than we ever thought possible! (Don’t get me started here!). We also often find ourselves thinking about situations which may arise like…who will teach our son what a urinal is in a public washroom? Or how to use it?
However, the surprise that caught me off-guard and the one I thought I was prepared for, but quickly discovered I was emotionally unprepared for, was feeding our little boy during the first couple of weeks after his birth. Between the two of us, my wife was the one who carried our son to full-term. We were optimistic that once he arrived she would be able to produce breast milk for him. We knew from our own family experiences that breast feeding wasn’t always in the cards. So we wanted to be prepared and ready. We did our homework, talked to other parents, and landed on the Avent Newborn Starter kit. In fact we received 2 starter kits which later came to be very useful. We had heard that many of the the Philips Avent products had WON the Parent Tested Parent Approved Seal of Approval (PTPA) and knowing that the bottles had been tested by real parents was comforting for us new parents.
After our son was born, and a little bit of practice, my wife and baby boy fell into a wonderful rhythm of breast feeding. Watching them together, bonding, and sharing this experience was beautiful. I was so proud of both of them to be able to make this work. Yet there was this other piece of me longing to understand and share these moments too. Emotionally this caught me off guard. I knew how important it was for his development and I was ashamed to feel what I now believe was jealousy. We had talked before our son was born about different options (breast feeding, bottle feeding, formula, etc.). We even discussed the possibility of me taking hormones to produce breast milk, but the truth is my “bazingas” are already on the large size…I couldn’t imagine them being any bigger! Nor did we think it was practical with me being at work or that it may not be healthy since I would essentially be “tricking my body” to produce milk.
After several weeks of watching my wife and baby boy, I think in some ways a part of me started to understand how women who are unable to breast feed might feel. I had the equipment and couldn’t use it. The worst part was baby boy would sometimes get confused and start to nuzzle into my chest – my “trick boobs” did just that. Tricked my son and forced me to pass him back to her so he wouldn’t get upset and frustrated.
About a month after his birth we talked about how we were feeling, and my wife expressed an interest in pumping her milk. She was at a point where she felt like having some of her own time would be good for her and baby boy. Our breast pump worked perfectly with the Avent Classic bottles and within a couple of days we had enough milk for us to bottle feed. This was when we realized that having 2 of the Avent Newborn Starter kits came in handy. We always had enough bottles to use with our double breast pump, and extras to feed baby boy! The Avent Classic bottles are not only clinically proven to help reduce colic with anti-colic nipples that vents air away from baby’s tummy but they helped me bond with my son. It also helps that the advanced anti-colic system ensures that the air goes into the bottle, not my son’s tummy.
Not surprisingly, when I fed him for the first time I was overcome with emotion. It took him a moment to figure out the different nipple, but he instinctively fell into a sucking rhythm and I shed several tears knowing that I too could feed our little boy with a bit of help from my wife and Avent. The Avent bottles make it easy for us to combine breast and bottle feeding on a regular basis.
My wife reminds me that the characteristic I teach baby boy “is unconditional love that doesn’t include food.” As a parent, each and every time my son and I share this experience together my heart melts.
I am a Mum.
I am not a Dad. I am not the “secondary” Mom, nor do I consider myself as the “other mother.” I’ve sadly been called all of these. I am very simply a Mum…who loves her son as much as his Momma, and am so grateful to share this adventure with both of them.
March 21, 2017 @ 7:48 pm
Families are all different. We have a balanced family and often hear remarks that people should not say. Love always wins
March 21, 2017 @ 7:49 pm
Silly auto correct . That is Blended family NOT balanced
March 22, 2017 @ 10:38 am
You know we too are a blended family so we totally understand!
March 21, 2017 @ 8:25 pm
I’m glad you were able to find what works for your family and take care of your healthy, happy baby boy.
March 21, 2017 @ 8:34 pm
This sounds like a great bottle system. I know a lot of people who used Avent also. People make silly comments that are inappropriate sometimes because they really don’t have the vocabulary yet. Love is all that matters.
March 22, 2017 @ 10:39 am
That’s so true – about not having the right vocabulary. Very fair point and hopefully the more stories we hear the more our communities vocabulary grows.
Sarah De Diego
March 22, 2017 @ 12:13 pm
A big thanks to your friends for sharing a part of their journey.
I had triplets that were born premature (30w3d) so they couldn’t initially suckle. Since I had so much going on, I chose to exclusive pump and did so for 18 months.
Journeys of The Zoo
March 22, 2017 @ 9:46 pm
Oh wow. Thank you for sharing your experience with us! Triplets – bowing down to you mama!!!
March 22, 2017 @ 12:35 pm
Honestly we did bottle only no breastfeeding,that’s how it had to work for me.We as Moms,s all do things differently there’s no wrong way just the right way for you
March 22, 2017 @ 9:44 pm
So very true! Fed is best!
March 23, 2017 @ 7:50 am
i had to pump and bottle feed when my son was born because he was in the nicu for four days but after that we switched to breast feeding. Very grateful that pumps exist or I would not have been able to provide my son with breast milk or continue breast feeding when we got to go home
March 23, 2017 @ 1:54 pm
So glad to hear you were able to find the right balance from the start.
March 23, 2017 @ 8:22 am
I strictly breast fed for 8 months but did not pump at all.
March 23, 2017 @ 9:39 am
I just had my daughter 5 weeks ago and I have been only breastfeeding so far, but I hope to start adding pumping in soon so my husband can feel more included, since he enjoys feeling involved and a hands on daddy!
March 23, 2017 @ 1:53 pm
Congratulations!! So happy for you and your family!
March 23, 2017 @ 9:57 am
No yet…we are trying for our first!
March 23, 2017 @ 1:53 pm
How exciting! Sending baby dust your way
March 23, 2017 @ 10:24 am
There are a lot of judgemental people in life but in the end the only thing that matters are the people that you make part of your life and how you want to live your life. Life is short. Do not worry about others opinions.
March 23, 2017 @ 1:52 pm
Very true Amber. Surround yourself with the right kind of people!
March 23, 2017 @ 12:03 pm
I used a pump to store extra milk for when I would need to be away from baby.
March 23, 2017 @ 1:41 pm
Never had one, i’m also a guy so I wouldn’t know.
March 23, 2017 @ 5:14 pm
I need a breastpump. This is our first child, so it would really be great to be able to try to breastfeed for the first little while at least!
March 23, 2017 @ 9:24 pm
Good luck and congrats on your little one!
March 24, 2017 @ 9:15 pm
I adopted; so I never had the opportunity to be with my boys when they were super-little. And I am so happy that you featured this same-sex family on your blog; my family is very blended, mixed. I have family who are in same-sex relationships and parent too and somehow their experiences are often made less in the parenting sphere. Its upsetting. Thank you again for featuring this!
March 26, 2017 @ 1:44 pm
Thank you for leaving this message. This is part of the reason why we wanted to share our experience.
March 30, 2017 @ 3:36 pm
No I never used a pump. Can’t imagine how it would feel 🙂
April 4, 2017 @ 9:21 am
Always learning something new everyday!